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Difficult Behavior (and the Faulty Belief Behind It)
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The Downward Spiral
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Better Alternatives
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Seeking Attention
("I only belong when I am being noticed.")
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You feel annoyed and react by coaxing. They stop briefly, and then resume behavior and demands, perhaps in a new way.
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Avoid undue attention. Give attention for positive Behavior especially when they are not making a bid for it. Support their real contribution and involvement.
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Power Plays ("I only belong when I am in control, when no-one can boss me!")
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You feel provoked or threatened and react by fighting or giving in. Their aggression is intensified or they comply defiantly.
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Disengage from the struggle. Help them to use power constructively by enlisting co-operation. Support their self-worth and autonomy.
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Seeking Revenge ("I am significant only if I make others feel hurt like I do.")
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You feel hurt by them, and retaliate. They seek further revenge more strongly or with another weapon.
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Convince them that you respect their needs. Build trusting relationships. Support their need for justice and fairness.
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Appear Inadequate ("I won't be hurt any more, only if I can convince others not to expect much from me.")
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You give up, overwhelmed. They respond passively, show no improvement, and stay "victim".
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Encourage any positive attempt, no matter how small. Focus on assets. Provide bit-sized learning experiences they can succeed at. Support how they feel as a starting place for self-improvement.
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